Heart's Desire

So, the other day I was at Studio 678 sitting in a group of Jr. High students, one of my favorite places to be. Jake spoke from James 4:1-3, and reminded me of something that I knew but had forgotten: I can lust after, covet, and even obtain the things of this life, but I will never really get what I want. Why? Because even though the objects themselves seem like they are our greatest desire, this is deceiving – the real desire is the happiness and satisfaction we will feel once we have them. The grass isn’t always greener, and possessions will never satisfy us. This seemed easy enough to understand – my parents always told me “Never love anything that can’t love you back,” and although I treasure possessions, they are seemingly insignificant when compared with Christ.

No sooner than the thought “easy enough,” crossed my brain, I was knocked off my high horse by a simple list Jake started of desires that battle within us. One by one I got the “it doesn’t apply to me” checklist marked off. What would I want with an Xbox or a pair of purple skate shoes? My desire for “stuff” wasn’t even in the same league as my desire for God. But then he added a little something that struck a chord. “Maybe it’s your desire for a relationship or family.” Ouch! Wasn’t quite a “stab in the heart” moment that KILLS, but more like a “liquid eyeliner in the eye” moment. Stinging beyond belief, causing your burning eyes to water, tearing up to extinguish the pain, and after rubbing, smearing the un-dried eyeliner all over your face. Yes, that sounds about right.

You see, lately I have had a deep, throbbing desire to have a family. I am at a point right now where that desire outweighs every other in my life. This is where my conviction sets in: I already realized long ago that the verse “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart” meant that God would place HIS desires in MY heart if I sought Him first and foremost in my life. And while I do think my desire for a husband and kids is a Godly desire, I realized something huge on Sunday: God will not give me any desire that bears more importance than my desire for Him.

Even if I think I am ready for a family, God isn’t going to let my heart be satisfied with that until He has FIRST captured my heart. Getting the white picket fence, baking cookies with a daughter, massaging my husband’s back after a long day at work, cheering on a son at his football game…none of these things will completely satisfy me if the most important element of my satisfaction will be missing: Jesus, as the foundation. Every other piece of my life must connect to that main part, otherwise it is going to disappear...